Nannan
Since I was small, I had always had a strong desire to be better than others. No matter what group of people I was in, I always sought to be the best. While I was still at school, though I had an average mind and my grades weren’t outstanding, I studied very hard so that I wouldn’t fall behind the other students. Teachers praised me for my desire to make progress, and relatives also praised me for being such a diligent student and taking my studies so seriously. I would often feel proud of myself for receiving their praise and getting favorable comments from them, and I considered myself top of my age group. After I’d accepted God’s work in the last days, I came to understand some truths by reading God’s words and living the church life, and I saw that, no matter what disposition God expresses, whether it be mercy, lovingkindness or righteous judgment and chastisement, they are all God’s true love for man. My heart was moved and inspired by God’s love, and I felt that the only right path in life was to believe in God and seek to be perfected by God. I therefore made a resolution to pursue the truth in earnest, to give up everything and expend myself for God to repay His love. But because my deeply-rooted corrupt disposition and satanic nature had not yet been resolved, I still sought to distinguish myself and to make others look highly upon me when performing my duties. I remember one time when I was given the choice of two duties, and without any hesitation whatsoever I chose the duty that I thought would cause others to look highly upon me. Once I’d started this duty, a sense of superiority arose in my heart, so much so that I looked down on other brothers and sisters, thinking that they were only doing common duties, whereas I was performing an important duty, and that I was a person of talent in God’s family.
In June 2016, I started performing a duty that required me to use English. This was something I’d never dared to even dream of, and my heart was totally elated. I hadn’t expected to see a day when I could distinguish myself, and I had always used to feel distressed about not being smart enough, thinking that I’d be like this the rest of my life and that I had no great future prospects. Little did I realize that even lilies of the field have a spring too, and my spring had come at last. This was a turning point in my life and it was the beginning of the realization of my dreams—I would show my skills to the best of my ability. Thinking this, I felt so elated. How I wished I could immediately tell this news to my brothers and sisters in the church at home, letting them know what duty I was doing. I was even beginning to imagine how envious my brothers and sisters would feel once they came to know that I was doing this duty…. While I was so immersed in happiness and joy that I had forgotten myself completely, God’s judgment and chastisement came upon me again and again …