Christian Testimonies - God Led Me Out of the Pain of a Failed Marriage After My Wife’s Affair (Audio Essay)
Zhuiqiu, Taiwan
Outside the window, the sun was slowly rising and the brilliant sunshine flooded the earth. Everything was so bright. Birds hopped from branch to branch, happily chirping away—their songs were particularly pleasing to the ear. I heard a hymn “God’s Love Brings Us Close Together.” I was really moved. It’s true—only with God there is love, only with love there is family. When I was in the most pain and despair it was God who led me out of my suffering over the failure of my marriage and brought me hope; He also brought me a new pursuit. I really give thanks to God’s salvation! At that moment I stood up and walked over to the window and so many past events floated up before my eyes …
The Way We Used to Be, So in Love
Twenty years ago, my wife and I had been in a long-distance relationship for six years and finally decided to walk down the aisle. After getting married, she took responsibility for the home; not only did she put her heart into caring for my aging parents, but every time I got sick or was busy with work and returned home late, she’d be very concerned and anxious for me. She was really considerate. Seeing everything she did was really heart-warming for me, and I told myself: “You really have to love her well. Give her a stable, wonderful life.” After that I went into business in marine products, and even though I worked really hard, getting up early and working into the night every day, I felt it was all worth it as long as we had a happy family. A few years later we had bought a house and a car; our standard of living was getting better and better and our days were spent more and more harmoniously. Wanting our happy little family to continue on for a long time, I diligently managed our marriage, working hard on being a good husband. We did argue from time to time, but every time I was really forgiving and patient with her; I took on all of the housework and helping our child with homework and didn’t let her worry about anything. No matter what she wanted to buy, I’d indulge her. My wife and I became a loving couple that all of our friends and relatives admired. I thought to myself: I don’t need anything else in life. As long as we can always be there for each other and have a happy home, it’s enough.
My Wife’s Odd Change
Seven years prior my wife had started to become obsessed with going out to bars and singing, and I figured as long as she was happy, let her go! At first she’d go once a week and would often want me to go with her. I felt that I wasn’t a very good singer and didn’t really like the chaotic atmosphere, so I always refused. Over the last three years she started going bars and karaoke venues more and more frequently—five or six times a week, and even the wind and rain wouldn’t stop her. She came back later and later. I started to notice that she was constantly staring at her cellphone and when I would walk over, she’d be panic-stricken, and sometimes she’d hide out in the bathroom to take a call in order to avoid me. Things became really tense between us; she would frequently start fights with me over some small thing. When I got sick or got home late, she wasn’t concerned for me as she had been in the past, but instead seemed indifferent. When she went out to a bar or to sing karaoke, she seemed really irritated when I urged her not to stay out too late. Seeing how she had changed, I became suspicious that she was no longer loyal to me, but then I’d think: “We have a foundation of over two decades of love, and I’m so good to her. She must treasure what we have and care about our family. She wouldn’t do anything to betray me.” So, my suspicions of her would just come and go and I never took them to heart. A few times she brought a man back to the house and said he was just a buddy she sang karaoke with, and even though I had a lot of questions in my heart, I was willing to believe my wife.
It Really Was an Affair
Then one day I discovered a card—on it were two love handprints, one signed with my wife’s name, and one signed with another man’s name. There was also a small notebook with a sweet conversation between them. Seeing these nauseating things, I started shaking all over: “I’m so good to her, but she’s betrayed me!” In that moment I just felt like the world was spinning and I was about to stop breathing. I was in so much pain I couldn’t express it with words. After my wife came home, I pointed at her with a trembling hand and asked her: “I’ve always been single-mindedly devoted to you. Why would you betray me? We’ve been married for over 20 years, have I really not treated you well enough? Have I really not given enough for this family? Why would you treat me this way?” Even though she flatly denied it, her strange behavior and her conversation with that man proved that she really had stepped out.
My wife’s betrayal left me absolutely grief-stricken, but considering that weathering the storms from our courtship into our marriage hadn’t been easy, I didn’t want to put an end to what we had just like that. Trying to salvage my family, I went to my wife’s family and had them advise her to stop and tried to get that man to break up with her, and I even sought out his wife to have her get a handle on her own husband, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t get my wife’s heart back. She didn’t care about my feelings and no longer had a moral compass—she would call him right in front of my face and even go out to meet him without a single qualm. I was so angry I couldn’t eat or sleep, and every day was bitterly painful. In just a few short months I lost over 20 kilograms, and had become haggard and aged a lot. I retired early because I didn’t have the heart to run the business anymore. My wife’s betrayal turned me into a silent person. I shut myself up at home and didn’t want to talk about the matter with anyone. During that time, pain and hatred had a stranglehold on my heart. I had thought of getting my revenge on him—if he wouldn’t allow me to have a good life, I wouldn’t allow him to have a good life, either. However, reason told me I shouldn’t do that. I was on an emotional see-saw, and was incredibly miserable. Over the following two years, my wife brought up the idea of divorce over and over again and every time she mentioned that it was painful for me. I thought of our wedding vows, that we would “grow old together, hand-in-hand,” and I felt even worse. I didn’t want to get divorced even though our marriage had become an empty shell. I didn’t want our once-happy home to fall apart that way. I really couldn’t figure it out: I had been completely devoted to my wife, so why would she want to betray me? And no matter what I tried to get her back, she wouldn’t turn back. Why was that, really?
Understanding the Real Reason Behind Her Affair
Just as I was totally mired in pain and had nowhere to turn, one day, I met a Christian on Facebook, and while chatting I learned that that brother had had the same experience as me, but through reading God’s words he gradually came out from his pain, understood the truth of man’s corruption by Satan, and also experienced God’s love and compassion for mankind. Hearing about his experience was very moving, and I thought: There really are a lot of people who have been betrayed by their spouse, but how many of them have been able to come back out from that haze of pain? It seemed I had found a potential lifeline through that brother’s experience, so I often chatted with him, hoping that I could also find a way to leave behind the pain of marital betrayal.
Several days later, that brother fellowshiped with me that we humans were created by God and He knows that we live in suffering. In order to save us, He has appeared and worked in the last days, expressing millions of words based on what we as corrupt humans need. These allow us to understand the truth, see through Satan’s trickery, and find the right direction and goal in life. Only by reading God’s words, having fellowship with brothers and sisters, and seeking and pondering the truth can we see the essence of the problem and find the path to breaking free from pain. He then shared a passage of God’s words with me: “One after another, all these trends carry an evil influence that continually degenerates man, causing them to continually lose conscience, humanity and reason, and that lowers their morals and their quality of character more and more, to the extent that we can even say the majority of people now have no integrity, no humanity, neither do they have any conscience, much less any reason. … When the wind of a trend blows through, perhaps only a small number of people will become the trendsetters. They start off doing this kind of thing, accepting this kind of idea or this kind of perspective. The majority of people, however, in the midst of their unawareness, will still be continually infected, assimilated and attracted by this kind of trend, until they all unknowingly and involuntarily accept it, and are all submerged in and controlled by it. For man who is not of sound body and mind, who never knows what is truth, who cannot tell the difference between positive and negative things, these kinds of trends one after another make them all willingly accept these trends, the life view and values that come from Satan. They accept what Satan tells them on how to approach life and the way to live that Satan ‘bestows’ on them. They have not the strength, neither do they have the ability, much less the awareness to resist” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”).
He fellowshiped with me: “Why is the world so dark and evil now? Why are people becoming more and more filthy, corrupt, and depraved, and suffering endlessly? The root of the problem is explained very clearly in God’s words. In the beginning, God created man with proper humanity with conscience, reason, integrity, and dignity. There were true feelings and true love between people and they were able to live in harmony together. Later, man was tempted into corruption by Satan and became distant from God; they no longer knew to worship God and they lacked even the slightest bit of reverence for Him. Satan also used all sorts of movies about extramarital affairs and romance novels to inculcate people with evil thoughts such as: ‘Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short,’ ‘Don’t ask for eternity, be happy with now,’ ‘The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,’ ‘Only with something on the side does a man keep his drive; if she keeps her vow, a woman just lives like a sow.’ Gradually, people come to accept these evil behaviors, and treat things like finding a mistress, having an affair, or a one-night stand as symbols of being fashionable and capable, and think that otherwise life is as bland as a cup of plain water. This is how more and more people’s thinking has become twisted and they’ve begun following these evil trends to find a mistress or have an affair. Living steeped in evil, they have become more and more corrupt. And at this point, the evil and darkness in the world have reached a peak; there are entertainment venues everywhere like bars, karaoke parlors, nightclubs, foot-washing and massage parlors. People are all living within licentiousness and corruption and reveling in sin, indulging the flesh, and toying with passions. They’ve given up their ethics, their sense of shame, character, and dignity and have lost the root of being a human. They’ve become more and more filthy, corrupt, and evil in the abyss of sin and don’t even feel shame. Many people’s unscrupulous dealings with the opposite sex not only harm them physically and emotionally, but also cause their families great suffering. By selling their flesh and living in licentiousness and corruption, some get all sorts of diseases. Some people end up aimless and at loose ends from becoming obsessed with entertainment venues like bars and karaoke parlors, following evil trends, and constantly engaging in debauchery; this causes families to split up and children to lose an intact home, leading to physical and emotional damage. In order to satisfy their own fleshly desires, some stop at nothing and stoop to conducting multiple affairs, leading to emotional entanglements and ultimately resulting in tragedy. All of this happens and more. All of these serious consequences are brought about by the evil societal trends sprung from Satan.”
After hearing my brother’s fellowship I understood that the world’s darkness and evil came about from the evil trends that sprung from Satan. Without the truth, we as humans cannot discern Satan’s schemes, and when it gives rise to all sorts of evil trends to tempt us, lacking discernment, we’ll be unable to resist them. We’ll be assimilated by Satan, then live in licentiousness and corruption, becoming more and more evil and depraved. I thought of how my wife was a good wife and mother at first, how she was diligent and responsible at home, but after she became obsessed with bars and karaoke venues, she followed the evil trends of the world, indulged her carnal desires and no longer cared about the home or her loved ones’ feelings, instead doing unethical, immoral things. She started seeing a man with his own family, and no matter how I tried to salvage the situation but she was unwilling to turn back; things went from bad to worse. I finally understood that in fact, those people who betray their marriages and families are all under the influence of corruption and the evil trends of society. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do such unethical, immoral, and unreasonable things. They are victims too—it is Satan who is the main culprit causing the destruction of marriages. After realizing all of that my hatred toward my wife and that man faded a bit.
After a period of time of seeking and investigation, I accepted God’s work of the last days. I frequently attended gatherings with my brothers and sisters, had fellowship on God’s words, sang hymns and praised God. I gradually came to understand some truths. I gained a little understanding of how Satan corrupts mankind and how God saves people step by step. I experienced that the entire world is within Satan’s grasp, and how utterly evil and corrupt it is, that only God can save human beings, and only by having faith and pursuing the truth can people be freed from Satan’s corruption. When I understood these things, a smile came back to my face. I once again developed hope in life and the future. I give thanks to God—if it hadn’t been for Him during my most painful time, taking me into the house of God, I really can’t dare imagine how I would have gone on living.
There’s No True Love Between People After All
The Chinese New Year came up in the blink of an eye, and homes everywhere were brimming with a celebratory atmosphere, but mine was exceptionally cold and bleak. My wife once again brought up divorce and started a huge argument with me. I felt both angry and helpless, and in the end agreed to it. The moment I walked out of the Household Registration Office with my divorce certificate in hand, my heart ached dully, I was hurt by my wife’s heartlessness, and I also felt lost, not knowing how to face the rest of my life. Lost in pain, I shared my wounds and suffering after the divorce with my brothers and sisters. They read a passage of God’s words for me: “Why does a husband love his wife? And why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? And why do parents dote on their children? What kinds of intentions do people really harbor? Is it not in order to satisfy one’s own plans and selfish desires?” (“God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together”). Through God’s words and fellowship from my brothers and sisters, I came to understand that humans became extremely selfish and despicable after being corrupted by Satan, and they do everything based on their interests, using each other, demanding things from each other, constantly battling for their own interests, and ingratiating themselves and flattering others when they stand to gain something. When someone doesn’t have any value for their uses they cast them aside; there is no true love at all between people, and there are very few homes and marriages that are truly happy. In their lives, either the wife is betraying the husband or the husband is betraying the wife, or they are strangers in the same bed who are forcing themselves to stay together for the children, but they are both living in pain. Some couples seem happy on the outside, but as soon as the other does something they don’t like or they find someone they like more than their spouse, they just cast their partner aside and start something new. I thought of me and my wife—I gave everything to give my wife a happy life because I saw that she took care of everything in the home meticulously and I never needed to worry about it. My wife betrayed me and decided to be with another man because she felt like he wooed her with sweet words, making her happy. Overall, each of us is acting for ourselves, everyone has their own motives and adulterations. They don’t have true love at all, and it isn’t possible for people to have a truly happy marriage. But since I couldn’t see the essence of Satan’s corruption of mankind, I made a happy marriage my lifelong pursuit and goal. As a result, after divorcing my wife I was living in pain and confusion, and didn’t know what to do. At this time I finally saw that without the truth, I couldn’t see the reality of things, and in fact the happy marriage I had worked so hard to pursue was empty and completely lacking value. It could only make me suffer more and more and live fooled and harmed by Satan. After I realized all of this, my heart suddenly felt very freed, and I was no longer suffering over the failure of my marriage.
A New Pursuit, A New Home
Afterward, I read another passage of God’s words: “As a created being, you should of course worship God and pursue a meaningful life. If you don’t worship God and live in the filthy flesh, then aren’t you just a beast in human attire? As a human being, you should expend for God and endure all suffering. You should gladly and assuredly accept the little suffering you are subjected to today and live a meaningful life, like Job, like Peter. … You are people who pursue the right path, those who seek improvement. You are people who rise up in the nation of the great red dragon, those whom God calls righteous. Isn’t that the most meaningful life?” (“Practice (2)”). God’s words provided me with a way forward. Only following God, pursuing the truth, performing the duty of a created being, and living to satisfy God is the most valuable, meaningful kind of life, and it is what we as created beings should pursue. I thought of the past, of my grief after learning of my wife’s betrayal. I lacked the drive to go on living and was just like the walking dead; it was God’s grace that gave me the good fortune of coming into the house of God. By reading God’s words I gained some discernment on the evil trends brought about by Satan and came to understand the root of my own pain. I clearly saw the essence and truth of how deeply mankind has been corrupted by Satan and let go of my hatred for my wife and that man. My heart was so much easier and freer. I have enjoyed so much of God’s love, and I should seek the truth, expend myself for God, fulfill the duty of a creature, live to seek to love and satisfy God, and fully cast off the empty, depraved life of the flesh, live out a life with true meaning and value.
“Gong …” The sound of the wall clock pulled me back from my reverie. I took a look at the clock and saw that it was almost time for a gathering, so I rushed to get my bag and leave. Tilting my head up toward the sun as I walked, I couldn’t help but offer up my thanks and praise to God: God! Now I have found a truly happy harbor for my soul and I have found a true home. I thank You for loving and saving me.
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