Wang Xin Harbin City
🌱🌱🌼🌱🌱🌼🌱🌱🌼🌱🌱🌼🌱🌱🌼
In 1999, I became a leader due to the requirements of the work of the church. Although I felt deeply that I was not worthy of the job when I first started, after a while, due to my arrogant and self-righteous nature, my initial cautiousness gradually turned into exalting myself and testifying about myself. I cared about food, clothes, and enjoyment, greedily indulging in the blessings of my status. I even wanted to be on an equal footing with God. In the end, I was finally dismissed and sent home. It was only after this that I had an awakening and realized that “status” had made me give up on God and the truth; “status” had made me set up my individual kingdom; “status” had turned me into an antichrist; “status” made me embark on the road to death. It was only then that I discovered that I had strayed so very far from the right path and already fallen too deep.
Looking back, my downward spiral began when my gospel work started to show some results. At the time, I really thought I was something and started talking big and getting pleased with myself, and I often spoke with a tone to people within the scope of my work. Later, a sister I was paired with raised my deficiencies with me, saying I carried a kind of wildly arrogant disposition when I spoke. I only accepted it on the surface, but not in my heart. In the end, I still thought of all sorts of ways to indirectly refute the deficiencies she raised. In the days after this, I began to speak for the sake of my status, never feeling uncomfortable in my heart for failing to satisfy God. Instead, I was often frustrated because other people were not convinced by me. Gradually, my heart grew numb and devoid of feeling. Just when I was still completely unaware that I was pursuing the wrong path, a leader gave me a note. It said: “XX, now that you’ve become a big shot, even your tone of voice has changed. You’re pretty much like the government officials out in the world. You will be eliminated soon.” What? Does this not imply that I am going to lose my future and destiny? After reading these words I fell into painful torment, but I did not examine my nature or appreciate from it God’s care and thought, and moreover I did not sense the consequences of continuing on like this. Then, a major illness suddenly befell me. In this situation and environment, I felt I had thoroughly fallen into despair. My mind was in a tangle and I was terrified of losing my duty. I was also afraid of being eliminated and not having a future, as well as being dismissed and sent home. I was full of outrageous requests toward God. Although I realized that I cared too much about status, I was entirely under Satan’s control and could not free myself. I actually used my position as a leader to control brothers and sisters into doing personal things for me, getting them to help me find a doctor so I could find a way to quickly get rid of my illness. My heart was dominated by one thought: I must not lose my status and I can’t lose my duty. I started to enjoy special treatment, ate good health supplements, and also accepted good food from brothers and sisters without question. Yet, I absurdly thought: I’m not doing it for enjoyment; I’m doing it to heal my illness so it won’t delay my work, and therefore it does not count as excessive. In the end, I not only did not recover but my illness got even worse.
