๐ฑ๐๐ฑ๐๐ฑ๐ Zhao Xia Shandong Province ๐ฑ๐๐ฑ๐๐ฑ๐
My name is Zhao Xia. I was born to an ordinary family. Due to the influence of dictums like “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” and “As a tree lives for its bark, a man lives for his face,” reputation and face became particularly important to me. Everything I did was to earn other people’s praise, compliments, and admiration. After getting married, the goals I set for myself were: I will live a wealthier life than others; I must not let anyone say negative things about how I treat the elderly or about my behavior and conduct; and I will make sure my child gets into a famous university and has good prospects, so as to add more luster to my face. Therefore, I never quarreled with my in-laws. Sometimes, when they said harsh things to me, I would feel so aggrieved that I’d hide and cry rather than give them attitude. When I saw others buy clothes for their parents during Chinese New Year and other holidays, I would immediately go buy some for my mother-in-law, and it would be of the best quality too. When relatives came to visit, I would help buy food and cook. Even when it was a little tough or tiring I would still be completely willing. Afraid I would be less well off than others, I left my baby daughter behind a month after giving birth to her and went straight back to work. As a result, my daughter suffered from malnutrition and became only skin and bones because she couldn’t drink my breast milk. Her situation improved only after 100 nutritional injections, while I was so tired that I had a sore back every day. Though it was difficult and tiring, I endured the hardship and gave tirelessly for the sake of earning a good reputation. In just a few short years, I became a famous daughter-in-law in the village, and my family became wealthy and envied by people around us. As a result, my in-laws, neighbors, relatives and friends were all full of praise for me. In the face of praise and compliments from those around me, my vanity was greatly satisfied. I felt my hardships over the last few years were not in vain, and I was very flattered inside. However, my serene life was interrupted after my brother-in-law got married. His wife always spoke to me sarcastically, saying that I had ulterior motives in treating our mother-in-law well because I just wanted her assets. She always said that our mother-in-law was biased since she gave us more things than she gave them, and we often argued as a result of this. I felt very aggrieved and wanted to argue with her in public to protest my innocence, but it would ruin the good image I had built up in people’s hearts. Hence, I would force myself to hold back, and when I could bear it no longer I would have a big cry in private. Afterward, the sister-in-law pushed her luck by occupying the land distributed to my side of the family, which made me shake from anger and not eat or drink for days. I even wanted to fight it out with her. However, thinking that it would make me lose face, damage my reputation, and make those around me look down to me, I swallowed it all up, but inside I felt so suppressed that I was in torment. I looked sad and sighed all day, feeling like it was too painful and tiring to live and not knowing when there would be an end to such a life.
Man’s end really is God’s beginning. Right when I was in pain and feeling helpless, Almighty God reached out His hands of salvation toward me. One day, my neighbor asked me: “Do you believe in the existence of God?” I answered: “Who doesn’t? I believe God exists.” She then said that the God she believes in is the one and only true God who created the universe and all things, and that in the beginning, mankind lived in God’s blessings because they worshiped God, but after they were corrupted by Satan, they no longer worshiped God and thus lived under God’s curse and in pain. Almighty God of the last days came to bestow upon people the truth and save them from the abyss of misery. In addition, she also communicated her own experience of believing in God. After listening to her communication, I felt I had found my closest confidant, and could not help but tell of all the pain in my heart. Afterward, she read a passage of God’s word to me: “When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a ‘father.’ You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along” (“The Sighing of the Almighty” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words flowed into my heart like a warm current, consoling my painful and sad heart, and I could not stop my tears from falling. In that moment, I felt like a wandering child in suffering who had suddenly returned to the embrace of her mother. There was an unspeakable excitement and emotion in my heart. I kept thanking God, for He took me to His house and cared for me when I had nowhere else to go. I shall follow God with my heart and soul! Since then, I read God’s words, prayed to God, and sang hymns to praise God every day, which made me feel especially relaxed in my heart. Through attending meetings, I saw that brothers and sisters were much like a big family, even though they are not related by blood. Their interactions were simple and open, full of understanding, tolerance, and patience, and without jealousy, conflict and scheming or pretension and duplicity. They did not bully the poor while loving the rich, and were all able to treat everyone with sincerity and equality. My heart would feel especially free when we sang hymns praising God together. I hence fell in love with this loving and warm, fair and joyous church life. I became convinced that Almighty God is the one true God and made up my mind that I would follow Him to the very end.
